Forgiveness is needed everywhere. Every day there is at least one person whose actions hurt another. Every one of us has felt hurt by another. With that in mind, it seems almost impossible to forgive every person who has wronged us. But when we forgive, we learn that we can overcome any challenge.
In order to help me learn what forgiveness is and how we can have it for ourselves, I asked Krista from the Scripture Study Project if I could interview her and know her thoughts.
In our discussion Krista described forgiveness as “A lightness of heart, true peace and strength.” This definition reminded her of a scripture in Mathew 11.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Mathew 11
This is a powerful statement that asks all of us to come unto Christ and find forgiveness. It is through Christ and forgiveness we can receive peace and rest.
The way that Krista described forgiveness reminds me of another story.
Corrie ten Boom
During World War II Corrie and her family decided that they were going to help Jews hide from the Nazis in order to preserve them. They were found out and sent to a concentration camp.
During that time, her sister died. Fifteen days later, Corrie was released. She often spoke to victims about hope, peace, and forgiveness. She noted in her book, The Hiding Place, that most of the time after she spoke, people would silently leave still pondering what they had heard from her.
After speaking on forgiveness, one man started coming towards her. All at once memories flooded her brain. This was a German guard in the same concentration camp where she and her sister were incarcerated.
She recalled, “It came back with a rush: the huge room with its harsh overhead lights, the pathetic pile of dresses and shoes in the center of the floor, the shame of walking naked past this man. I could see my sister’s frail form ahead of me, ribs sharp beneath the parchment skin.”
Brought back from her memories, there he was in front of her. He told her she had a wonderful message and that it felt good to know that his sins were forgiven. The man went on to add that he knew that God had forgiven him for what he had done but since she was in the same camp that he was a guard in, he would love to hear that she had forgiven him. He extended his hand in fellowship.
What a difficult task he asked of her. If I had been in her position, it would have been so difficult to forgive him. But she knew that God had forgiven him and it was her turn.
She said, “And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion–I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.”
She took a deep breath and asked God to supply the feeling of forgiveness if she shook this man’s hand. Bravely, Corrie took the man’s hand. With the feeling of forgiveness welling inside of her, “I forgive you, brother! With all my heart!”
As she stood there with her hand in his, she remarked, “I had never known God’s love so intensely as I did then.”
Krista
While we can’t all have the same experiences that Corrie ten Boom had, we can still forgive anyone despite what we may have against them.
Krista herself has felt the atoning power of Christ in her own life. Matthew 11 is a good description of what she has felt, “Forgiveness is one of the deepest ways I have felt the Savior’s Atoning sacrifice in my life and these words He uses in these verses are truly what I have felt – rest, gentleness, easy and light. What a beautiful gift He has given us!”
She said, “I have had a deep experience where I have needed to forgive. In a few circumstances specifically I remember waking up and feeling no more anger or sadness or frustrations or all of those emotions that you feel when you have been hurt by someone else.”
Krista recalled that it was during that time when she realized that God had truly helped her to forgive. “ My humanness would have not allowed me to feel so light and free from something so hard. Forgiveness has taught me how truly merciful and forgiving God is to me. If he can help me forgive in that way I can only imagine how he feels about me when I mess up.”
Myself
I have also struggled with forgiveness. During high school, I had a friend I had who occasionally would get too rough with me physically and I would end up getting hurt.
One fateful day, he and I was standing in a circle with some other friends when they started to playfully hit him. I was afraid. In the past, something as simple as me messing up my locker combination would cause him to hurt me. Since I was among a group of friends, I felt somewhat protected from any reaction he might have. Unfortunately, I joined in with their playful hitting.
As soon as I had done so, a giant sting came across my face. He had slapped me. I can only begin to express what emotions I felt at that time. I shocked, scared, and ashamed. I knew that I had let whatever he had done to me in the past and at that time go too far. When I asked him to leave and when I knew he was out of my sight, I wept.
The next morning, he started coming towards me. Again, I felt the emotional hurt from the day before and all the previous times. I stood still and waited for whatever would happen. He expressed how he went to his dad and asked him what he should do and his dad replied saying that he should apologize.
I was shocked on so many levels. “Apologize?” I thought, “You haven’t apologized. You are clearly not sorry, so why should I forgive you?”
The anger that I felt caused me to tell him, “no! I won’t forgive you.”
During the rest of the year, I stopped talking to him and ignored him. He switched schools and I never saw him again.
After some time had passed, I remember how I wouldn’t forgive him and it started to nag at me. I was in the wrong for not forgiving him. I should have forgiven him. But it was too late. There was no way that I could express that to him. Until last year.
He messaged me on Facebook. He asked me how I was doing and what I was up to. We soon got on the topic of what happened. He explained how during that time he was not okay. He said that he wasn’t the best person to be around and apologized.
I too felt horrible. Years before he had asked for my forgiveness and I never gave it to him. Now was the time that I needed to do that. I told him that I had thought a lot about what happened and how I rationalized his behavior. Gathering my courage, I said that I forgave him and wished him the best.
Conclusion
Forgiveness may never be easy but it can be easier. When we learn to let go of our pent up emotions we can avoid making wrong decisions and gather the courage to forgive and accept forgiveness. While we can choose to be courageous, forgiveness is a gift we are given.
When I asked Krista how she thought others could learn to forgive she told me, “The only real way to forgive or be forgiven is with His grace!” I can’t think of a truer statement.
God is real. He loves us. He wants us to be happy and forgiveness of people who have wronged us is the best way to truly be happy.
