Emily Stevens is a life coach and therapist who loves helping others let go of their anxiety, help them gain confidence, and set healthy boundaries for her clients to be able to live the life they want.
What made you want to do both therapy and life coaching?
Well, I started out just as a therapist, and I really liked working with my therapy clients. It has its limitations, though, as far as you can only see people in person and all that stuff. And I wanted to expand but I also wanted the ability to help people who maybe don’t have a specific diagnosis that maybe don’t realize that a therapist can help give them tools.
I wanted to be able to help those people, that coaching can help them with accountability and support and to reach their goals in life that maybe wouldn’t reach out to the therapist for that. So it really appealed to me because to me, there are two different segments of the population I’m working with, in a way. And even though as a therapist, I can do therapy and coaching. I’ve just found that I really have a knack for the different aspects of coaching as far as helping people obtain the life that they want.
So that’s helping them achieve their goals and being able to just be a well-rounded person.
And more so like holding them accountable, helping them gain clarity on what they want, and then helping them implement strategic change to go after those goals and then holding them accountable and supporting them while they’re implementing that strategic change, and helping them hit it where they need to, as they’re trying to implement those changes.
That’s amazing.
It’s a really, I don’t want to say a fun job because sometimes it can be really hard. You know, you walk with people on their journeys, and sometimes they’re dealing with some really tough or heavy stuff, whether it be coaching or therapy. But at the end of the day, you’re helping give people hope. And that’s really something that I enjoy.
What do you think courage is for you?
Courage to me is being 100% authentically yourself no matter what. It’s showing up, being yourself and accepting whatever that looks like and accepting that that’s not always going to be a positive thing that you do have solved and you do have things you can work on, but you just show up as who you are anyway.
Do you think that you see a lot of people like between your therapy and life coaching that are very courageous?
Oh, absolutely. I think every one of my clients is one of the most courageous people I’ve ever met because they’re people that are saying, “I can’t do this alone. I don’t have this all figured out”. And beyond that, they’re not trying to pretend like they’re anything but who they are. They’re coming to me saying, “I could use some support and some backup and some tools. And I’m willing to be vulnerable. And, you know, bring myself to you to say, ‘I’m willing to listen and take what you say, heart and try to change’”. So it can take so much courage and I always point that out to my clients, especially in the first session. It takes so much courage to show up for yourself in a way that you might have to look at some of the not so pleasant parts of yourself, but you’re showing up anyway. So, I think my clients are so courageous.
Do they think that they’re courageous?
No, it depends on the client. But really, in the beginning, though, people when I say that to them, a lot of people that makes it a little uncomfortable. To them, it doesn’t feel like courage. To them, it often feels weak. It feels like they should be able to do it on their own. But as I reframe it for them to show them actually no, this is showing how much courage you have to ask for help people really start to change their mindset about what courage is.
What do you think is the one thing that gets in the way when we are trying to be courageous?
The one thing I would say, self-doubt. I think it’s difficult for people whether that self-doubt, is what other people will think if that self-doubt is stories that they’ve had in their mind since they were a kid from some experiences if that self-doubt comes from friends or family. I think when people are trying to be courageous they can trip themselves up by
doubting what they know to be true in their hearts but doubting that because of outside influences.
So, once they get over that self-doubt they’re able to
be more courageous and have more confidence in themselves.
Yeah, and it’s not so much getting over that self-doubt as much as it is gaining confidence in yourself and who you are authentically and being able to take those things more in stride. So even once you gain confidence… I don’t think there’s ever a time when there’s somebody who’s completely devoid of self-doubt. You just learn to sit with that and process it more effectively, to where you can push through it to be courageous. Even if the courage doesn’t feel authentic in the beginning
What can people do to help others be courageous?
Okay, I think this is twofold. I think we can help other people be courageous by being courageous ourselves. By showing other people it’s okay to be your authentic self. And also on the flip side of that, when people are courageous and maybe share something with us, that is harder or maybe you know, is out of their comfort zone to be really accepting of that. So leading by example, and also really showing compassion towards other people, when they’re trying to show their courage as well.
And also compassion on yourself once when you’re being courageous, right?
Oh, absolutely. Giving yourself so much grace to say, “I’m going to, I’m going to try courage today,” and going out and doing something or expressing something you normally wouldn’t and even if it isn’t received well saying, “okay, I learned from that but I’m going to be courageous again”. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to put courage on a shelf and never come back to it and crawl in my shell. It’s saying, “even if things don’t go the exact way, I hope they’ll go. I’m still going to choose courage over fear”.
Do you have anything that you would like to add?
I think I would add that courage isn’t just taking the big leap. Courage is, maybe if you’re dealing with depression, courage is getting out of bed when it’s been hard to do that the past three days or whatever. There’s courage all around us. We’re using courage constantly in our lives. So, I would encourage people to look for the places that they’re using small amounts of courage, that doesn’t seem like the big “oh my gosh, it’s so courageous. Give me a ribbon” type courage, but the times that people are just functioning, but it’s taking courage to even do that.
Thanks to Emily Stevens for agreeing to do this interview. If you would like to see more of her, click these links:
